On Tuesday I got the results I was hoping for from my recent MRI – stable!! I wasn’t due to find out for another two weeks and it was only because I rang my bcn (breast cancer nurse) to tell her about some pain I’ve had in my legs.
Once you’ve had a secondary diagnosis, every little niggle, ache and pain fills you with dread and you automatically think the worst. I never know if I should ring my bcn or if I’m just being a hyperchondriac. This time I took advice from my YBCN friends and made the call.
I’m pleased I did because I was convinced the pain meant I’d had progression and a fortnight is one hell of a long time when you’re worrying! We (in my world) call this period of time ‘scanxiety’. It’s shit. You want to keep busy but at the same time you want to hide away. You don’t want to think about it but you can’t turn it off. It really is the pits.
Today it hit me. The relief was overwhelming and filled with mixed emotions. I have so much going on that it was a bit like a delayed reaction. Whoosh.
I feel very lucky. I have many friends who are struggling right now. Friends who didn’t get the results they wanted. Friends who are having to raise thousands of pounds to go to a German Clinic, for treatment to prolong their lives. And even friends who are having to fight the welfare/support system – something that is completely wrong in our situation!
One day that’ll be me but until then I’m starting my next 6 month chapter and for that, I’m thankful.