At the beginning of September, I started to feel a lot more tired than usual. The summer holidays had just finished and we were getting back into the ‘back to school’ routine. As the weeks went on though, I didn’t feel any better. I felt worse. I was struggling to do anything much and had no energy for the gym – and I love the gym!!
After crying on my bcn (breast care nurse) she told me that I was suffering with fatigue. ‘Suffering’ sounds way more dramatic than it really is but fatigue isn’t to be sniffed at. It’s not something that goes after a good nights sleep and I should know – I’m getting between 8/9 hours per night! It leaves you feeling exhausted most of the time, the simple everyday things can become difficult and it can affect you physically, mentally and emotionally.
I went to see my GP after a particularly tough morning last week for me and Daisy. She referred me to the holistic team who turned up the next day. They were lovely and described me as running on a 40% battery that drains quickly but never fully recharges. But, they were unsure as to how they could help and admitted they only usually help elderly people.
I spoke to my bcn today and she pointed out that I have been through some huge life events in the past two years. I think it’s all just caught up with me.
I’m not feeling quite as low as I was though and have been pushing myself to go to the gym. It’s not giving me the usual euphoric feeling but at least I’m going. It’s also half term. Our day out yesterday has completely wiped me out but the kids had a fab time and that’s what matters.
Life goes on, exhausted or not.
Today I had scan results. Overall they were really good. My spine/spinal chord is clear. My leg pain isn’t cause by any compression anywhere so an MRI is needed to see what’s going on in there. Something showed up in the lining of my brain and although my onc (oncologist) stressed that she’s not worried, I am having to be re-scanned in 6 weeks so they can compare scans. I’ve also somehow manage to fracture both a rib and my foot/ankle. No idea about the rib and certainly haven’t been in any pain with it. My foot happened in July whilst at Butlins with Daisy. Two trips to A&E, an X-ray, a pair of crutches and two different doctors telling me it was soft tissue damage. I knew otherwise but then I’m quite clever like that!
So, a sense of relief all round, although I think I’m getting a bit ‘hard’ when it comes to results. I’ve been through this so many times that I’m becoming immune to any form of feeling. It’s just another day and another part of my life as it is now. My new normal.
It is what it is and no amount of worry will change it.