Out of order. 

On Friday I went awol. Absent without leave. Away. Not here. On strike. I was out of order. 

I packed Daisy off to her dad’s as normal. No one suspected a thing. I spent all evening washing and drying her school uniform, packed her school bags and filled her lunch bag. I made sure everything was sorted before I left. I wrote an explanatory text to send the ex – I wanted him to know why I was doing this and that it wasn’t a decision I’d come to lightly. 

We’d had a really tough week. Daisy had a meltdown every morning and a couple after school too. I was exhausted by 9am everyday. 

I didn’t want to go to bed because I dreaded waking up. 

I’ve asked the ex for help before. When I was struggling with fatigue  and had broke down on my bcn. He said no because he was having her for the weekend 3 weeks later. That’d have to do, he said. 

So this time I didn’t ask. I just took. I needed a break longer than the normal 24hrs. I went to a friends and I slept, watched tv, read and slept some more. I only got out of bed to make a cup of tea or get some food. 

Apparently I was ‘f**king out of order’. Probably, yes. But I like to think that I was necessarily out of order. I felt guilty for leaving, like I’d neglected them. 

But I needed to do it. For me. Selfishly. 

6 thoughts on “Out of order. ”

  1. If you want to go awol again you can come to hotel vicky xx I will treat you like a 5 star guest 😚
    Do not feel guilty for taking a break.. He should feel guilty for not giving you more.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Good for you Hunni. You need to be able to recharge your batteries too from time to time,or your not gonna be able to stay strong and keep fighting like you are. You knew she would be safe it’s not like you left her on her own. Hope your feeling stronger from your break. Massive hugs hunni xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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