People ask me how I am and I always reply ‘I’m good thanks’. They always say ‘you’re looking really well’ to which I reply, ‘thanks’. It’s like a default setting. It’s easier than explaining how I really feel.
I’m struggling at the moment. I’m tired of the past 3 years, the hospital visits, treatment, scans – there’s only so much you can take and I think I’m at my limit.
I’ve never felt like this before. Don’t get me wrong, I have times when I feel down in the dumps but these generally pass after a few days, sometimes weeks.
This time I feel different. Inwardly I am just so sad. I’m exhausted. I’ve had enough. But, I’m going through the motions of normality for the kids. They need me to hold it together. They are none the wiser. I’m keeping up appearances.