Keeping up appearances. 

People ask me how I am and I always reply ‘I’m good thanks’. They always say ‘you’re looking really well’ to which I reply, ‘thanks’. It’s like a default setting. It’s easier than explaining how I really feel. 

I’m struggling at the moment. I’m tired of the past 3 years, the hospital visits, treatment, scans – there’s only so much you can take and I think I’m at my limit.

 I’ve never felt like this before. Don’t get me wrong, I have times when I feel down in the dumps but these generally pass after a few days, sometimes weeks. 

This time I feel different. Inwardly I am just so sad. I’m exhausted. I’ve had enough. But, I’m going through the motions of normality for the kids. They need me to hold it together. They are none the wiser. I’m keeping up appearances. 

3 thoughts on “Keeping up appearances. ”

  1. I went through this for about 3 or 4 months this year. It really really scared me. It felt like I was giving up. But I didn’t want to give up, but I was too tired and too fed up with the uncertainty, of feeling completely out of control and not knowing what was coming next…. And I couldn’t get myself out of it, but I didn’t want the kids to know either. I’m better-ish again for now and I don’t feel quite as sad. I don’t know why and I suspect I’ll go back to feeling like that again, but I do understand. I’m not sure if any of this helps you, but thank you so much from me for expressing things so eloquently in a way I never could and for making me feel less alone.

    Liked by 1 person

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