Goodbye 2017

It’s been one hell of a year and I’ve had a blast!

January saw me going to Belfast for the first time to meet up with one of my YBCN friends – Melanie. We applied to go on Big Brother and although we weren’t successful, we had a fab day seeing the sights and getting to know one another.

A couple of weeks later, February 7th to be exact, saw me rushing to A&E with appendicitis. It was whipped out the next day and I spent a couple of hilarious nights in hospital partying with the elderly ladies on my ward!

I went to the Brit award show and saw Bruno Mars and Adele in concert. I met Simon Cowell, David Williams and Amanda Holden at Britain’s Got Talent.

I took the kids to Butlins for the weekend and was lucky enough to visit New York – somewhere I never thought I’d see.

July saw me start my ’40 things before 40′ challenge. I’m slowly ticking things off of my list – horse riding, turning the Christmas lights on in town, pretending to be a firefighter, reading 40 books and also getting my own radio show on Radio Dacorum! My 2 hour slot is a little bit of escapism and has the same effect on me as going to the gym – it really helps my mental well being.

I went to 2 balls. The first was a wedding dress ball in aid of the Hospice of St Francis. The second was The Pink Ribbon Ball in aid of Breast Cancer Now and it was here that I met Nick Knowles 😍 I’d had my make up done professionally and with the help of a very special lady, bought a beautiful ball gown to wear. I felt amazing.

I had 2 sets of scans and thankfully got stable results both times. As the years go on, scanxiety is getting worse. I guess it’s the not knowing how long the proverbial piece of string is. Nothing I can do but keep on keeping on. I’ve had 40 hospital/doctor appointments – zoladex, Port flushes, Bone juice, cardio and oncology.

I also did a lot of media work on behalf of both Breast Cancer Now and Macmillan. I made some video diaries on life with SBC and manned the BCN twitter account for a few hours. I appeared on the BBC for Macmillan and also on their news app. I also wrote a guest blog for the Huffington Post explaining why I never wanted to know my prognosis.

I call myself a media whore but I mean it in an affectionate way. I never set out to be so vocal about my illness but it’s become important to me to shout about it, to raise awareness.

My 2 best friends, Michelle and Rebecca are the bestest friends a girl could ask for. They’ve been by my side through thick and thin, they’ve been a shoulder to cry on and they don’t mind when I make them dress up in all manor of luminous tutus!! I’d truly be lost without them.

I’ve also made so many new friends and the support I get from each and every one of them blows me away continually.

I’ve also seen a couple of milestones – my oldest daughter left to go to university and I had to apply for my youngest daughters secondary school. Both things I wasn’t sure I’d get to see/do when I was first diagnosed. I’m also watching my son grow into a fantastic young man, a keen rugby player who is getting on well academically.

Things that are taken for granted. Things that three and a half years ago, I was unsure that I’d see.

So, on that note, I’d like to wish you all a very happy new year. I’m counting my blessings and feel lucky to have made another year – many of my friends didn’t. Tonight I’ll be raising a glass for those we’ve lost.

Love your life, love the people who choose to share it with you and never take anything for granted.

Thank you for being there xx

It’s that time again..

Tonight I had a warm mince pie with cream for my tea. I washed it down with a Baileys. Why? Because I can!!

Tomorrow is results day. It’s been a long time coming and the past 2.5 weeks has felt like months. It’s so hard to stay focused on anything and although I’m getting quite good at shoving the worry back in its box, it creeps out when you least expect it.

Today I’ve been mostly a little wired. A little hyperactive. I’m not sure if I don’t give any shits or if I’m shitting myself. I think it’s the latter. My positive side of my brain is carefree and telling me that it is what is is – I can’t change it so there’s little point in worrying. The not so positive part of my brain is expecting the worst – I always do as I think it won’t be such a shock if it was bad news.

Bad news being that I’ve had progression.

I’m almost 4 years along this bumpy road. Bumpy doesn’t really cut it – imagine a road made of rocks, with huge potholes and sheep and arseholes who don’t bother to indicate. That’s what I mean by bumpy!!

You’re all aware that I’ve never asked for my prognosis but I’m well aware that 4 years is pretty darn good – statistically talking. Is my ice starting to wear thin? Who knows.

Lovely friends tell me that I look so well and whilst I appreciate that, I know only too well that how you look isn’t a reflection of what’s going on inside. I’ve recently had 2 friends from my cancer group receive bad news. They were roughly (our cancers are slightly different) the same position in the road as me and looked and felt perfectly well. I’d be lying if I said that their news hadn’t given me the jitters.

I’m not sure if the fact it’s almost Christmas is a blessing or not. It’s kept me busy and given me something to concentrate on which is good. Its also a very emotional time of year for me. Each one is a blessing – more so because I wasn’t expected to see Christmas ’14.

It’s going to go one of two ways tomorrow but no matter what, Christmas is Christmas and we’re going to have a fab one!!