It’s all messy

It’s been a tough week mentally this week. My head has felt messy and fuzzy and I’ve not been able to really decipher what’s going around in it. I think it’s a bit of everything – my illness, the reality, the guilt, fatigue, the what ifs and the whys.

It’s during these times when I don’t particularly want to be around anyone. I’m not necessarily grumpy, I just don’t have the energy to give my attention to someone or something. Preferring my own company and space.

I haven’t even been able to read and normally I can lose myself for hours in a book! It’s been a something and nothing week.

I attended a funeral on Tuesday. A friend from my support group. I’m not going to lie, it was tough. I’m pleased I went but it was too close to home. Your mind wanders so easily. It becomes all too real.

I’m also very tired and that doesn’t help. Some nights I sleep better than others but mostly I toss and turn, rolling from my side of the bed to the ‘cold’ side and then back again once it gets warm. It’s been a struggle waking up in the morning and I’ve really had to push myself to do anything this week. I just have to carry on, for the kids mostly, no matter what’s going on in my head. It’s hard to explain but if I had to draw it, it’d look like this…..

I’m also due Zometa (or, as I call it, bone juice!) http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/cancer-in-general/treatment/cancer-drugs/drugs/zoledronic-acid. I’m having it every 3 months now so it’s been a while and I’ve noticed these ‘come downs’ before. Roll on Monday!!

Sometimes it’s rubbish being me.

But, there’s only one thing for it…

Xx

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