I’ve a lot going on at the moment. It’s been a tough few weeks and my emotions have been all over the place. I feel a bit overwhelmed if I’m honest – one minute I’m fine, the next I’m feeling deflated.
I think Daisy starting secondary school ignited some anxiety on my part. It was one of those milestones that, four years ago, I didn’t think I’d get to see and I feel so lucky. It was a huge step for her and one I wasn’t sure how she’d react to. It was either going to go very well, or not! As it turns out, she’s taken to it like a duck takes to water and I couldn’t be prouder. The little girl who hated school, had daily meltdowns and struggled with homework has gone and I’ve now got a girl who is blossoming, growing in confidence and signed up to not one but TWO after school clubs – dance and netball!! Long may it last.
My oldest daughter is poorly and is having a few different investigations to try and get to the bottom of what’s wrong with her. That in itself is rather worrying and I feel quite helpless.
To top it all off, there was a wedding at the weekend. I wasn’t invited. They didn’t want me there. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t hard seeing the photos on fb and as much as I tried not to let it, it upset me. Nobody bothered.
As a result of me trying to keep busy and distract myself, I spent some time in the gym Saturday and absolutely thrashed myself (which I later paid for!). The gym is my happy place and I find that it clears my head from the mess that’s inside it. I’ve also lost myself in books – anywhere is better sometimes.
I’ve realised that I’m quite hard on myself. I feel guilty if I’m too tired to go to the gym. I question myself as a person. I don’t rest half as much as I probably should.
I need to be kinder to myself. I need to remember that I’m taking 5 different types of medication – all with their own set of side effects. I need to remember that you can’t please everyone and not everyone will like you. I need to remember that I try my best and that’s more than enough.
I need to remember what I’m living with and give myself a break.