I’ve a lot going on at the moment. It’s been a tough few weeks and my emotions have been all over the place. I feel a bit overwhelmed if I’m honest – one minute I’m fine, the next I’m feeling deflated.

I think Daisy starting secondary school ignited some anxiety on my part. It was one of those milestones that, four years ago, I didn’t think I’d get to see and I feel so lucky. It was a huge step for her and one I wasn’t sure how she’d react to. It was either going to go very well, or not! As it turns out, she’s taken to it like a duck takes to water and I couldn’t be prouder. The little girl who hated school, had daily meltdowns and struggled with homework has gone and I’ve now got a girl who is blossoming, growing in confidence and signed up to not one but TWO after school clubs – dance and netball!! Long may it last.

My oldest daughter is poorly and is having a few different investigations to try and get to the bottom of what’s wrong with her. That in itself is rather worrying and I feel quite helpless.

To top it all off, there was a wedding at the weekend. I wasn’t invited. They didn’t want me there. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t hard seeing the photos on fb and as much as I tried not to let it, it upset me. Nobody bothered.

As a result of me trying to keep busy and distract myself, I spent some time in the gym Saturday and absolutely thrashed myself (which I later paid for!). The gym is my happy place and I find that it clears my head from the mess that’s inside it. I’ve also lost myself in books – anywhere is better sometimes.

I’ve realised that I’m quite hard on myself. I feel guilty if I’m too tired to go to the gym. I question myself as a person. I don’t rest half as much as I probably should.

I need to be kinder to myself. I need to remember that I’m taking 5 different types of medication – all with their own set of side effects. I need to remember that you can’t please everyone and not everyone will like you. I need to remember that I try my best and that’s more than enough.

I need to remember what I’m living with and give myself a break.

Xx

4 thoughts on “”

  1. So many big things happening in so many different ways. I can’t beginnto imagine how they make you feel.
    I’m so happy that school is going so well and wish swift medical explanations and treatments so balance can return.
    Love you so very much my beautiful, beautiful friend xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So pleased you daughter has taken to her new school. Hope they get to the botton of your other daughters symptoms quickly so you can stop worrying.
    Shame on those who didn’t invite you, I know it hurts more than you let on but if that’s what they are like you are probably better off without them in your life.
    Yes, my dear, be kind to yourself. I think a lot of us living with cancer expect too much of ourselves. Sometimes you need to put yourself and your needs at the top of the list.
    I hope you have a better week, with less tiredness etc, Look after yourself x

    Liked by 1 person

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