It’s all too much

I’ve been struggling with fatigue/low mood over the past few days. No doubt a result of doing ‘too much’.

Sometimes too much is just waking up at 7am and getting out of bed. Sometimes too much is tidying the house. There’s no rhyme or reason but medication plays a big part too. Both tamoxifen and zoladex side effects include fatigue so I’m up against it. I don’t sleep very well either and can’t remember the last time I managed an undisturbed night.

Trouble is, I don’t like sitting about doing nothing. That gives you far too much time to think and thinking is bad. I prefer being busy and so take the consequences.

If I’m honest, I’ve had enough of this whole situation I’m in. Occasionally it all gets too much but there’s no running away from it. I’m sick of the worry. I’m sick of the unknown. I’m sick of living my life in 6 month chapters. I wish I didn’t have to watch my friends receive bad news. I wish they didn’t have to die. I wish the reality didn’t have to hit. All this on top of the ‘normal’ trials and tribulations of life.

It all gets too much. It’s a head fuck and there’s only so much you can take. But, you have to carry on regardless. You have to have your moment, pick yourself up and dust yourself down because what other option is there??

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