Today I got the call I knew was coming. It was Mount Vernon, arranging a date for my six monthly MRI and CT scans.
And so it begins.
Now is the time when I begin to wind life up slightly. I tend to shut myself away and not make plans. Slow everything down. (Apart from the 80’s night Christmas party – now that will be messy!!!) This is my way of dealing with the upcoming date and everything associated with it.
I try and ignore the looming date and shut out the anxiety linked to this period of time but it’s so hard. The ‘what ifs’ creep in and you convince yourself that every little ache is something sinister. You can’t help it.
My scan results are on December 21st.
A few people have asked why I don’t move the results date to after Christmas. It’s simple really – I don’t want to have it hanging over me through the festive period. Scanxiety is horrible no matter what time of year! I see it as a bit of a blessing – I’ll have plenty to keep me busy and regardless of the results, we’ll still have a bloody good Christmas!
I feel good at the moment but sadly I know this is no reflection as to what’s going on inside. I’ve seen friends, knocked for six with progression when they least expected it. My way of preparing for results is to expect the worst. It can’t knock you if you’re already down. But then I panic in case I’m tempting fate – you honestly can’t win!! It all goes round and round in my head.
So, all we can do is hope for the best but (mentally) prepare for the worst. Please keep everything crossed.