Then and now

Four years ago, a year after I was diagnosed and life had taken a few stumbles, I wrote this article for the Daily Mirror https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/real-life-stories/single-mum-terminal-breast-cancer-5942662#ICID=sharebar_facebook

It popped up on my Facebook memories yesterday and after reading it, I realised how different it would be if I had to write it again now. Lots has changed.

I wouldn’t wish I wasn’t ill. I don’t know what I ‘believe’ but I do know that things happen for a reason. My life now is so different to what it was before and in a weird way, I actually prefer it. I have more zest for life, have experienced some amazing things and made many, many friends. I’m honestly living my best life right now!

If you’d told me then that I would still be here 5 years later, I would never have believed you. I never take it for granted though because I know I’m one of the ‘lucky’ ones.. Weirdly, I don’t want to put a limit on years anymore. I would just like to be here forever. Failing that…as long as possible.

I never finished the journal. It took an awful lot of strength that I just couldn’t find at the time. It’s not really relevant now as the children are much older and their quirky ways have changed somewhat.

Life has really levelled out. Living with cancer has become part of the norm and I don’t really give it much thought. I still have the routine doctor/hospital appointments but even they have become part of the woodwork.

I no longer feel guilty about the way certain things happened – I had to do what was right for me at the time. I’m choosy with my friends too. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!

I still struggle with tiredness/fatigue and that won’t ever change but it’s just about learning to manage it….I don’t obviously 🤣 I just crack on and do what I have to do then hit the stumbling blocks and have to have a few days rest. It’s so frustrating!

Being a single mum and living with cancer can still be tough at times, mostly due to tiredness but also because you have to deal with everything else that ‘Normal’ life throws your way as well! I wouldn’t change it though and seeing my children grow into the strong, beautiful, polite, well rounded beings they are is reward enough.

Having a cancer diagnosis really makes you take a look at life. It changes you. At first, everything becomes kind of urgent. And then it settles. I’d like to think I’m in a much better place compared to 4 years ago. Its all a bit old hat now!!

Expect nothing – appreciate everything

Xx