Not feeling it.

I’m not feeling it. I’m very, very tired.

Since getting home from our travels last week, I have felt myself sinking a little lower than I’d like. These dips come and go and to be fair, I haven’t had one for a while.

I’ve questioned why? But there doesn’t have to be any reason. Life is enough sometimes. I get frustrated at myself because I feel like I shouldn’t really moan, even more so when there’s nothing substantial to blame.

I think it’s possibly the past few weeks. Being admitted to hospital wasn’t part of my summer holiday plan and now having to rely on taking Morphine and gabapentin has really thrown me. I’m not a pill taker. If I take paracetamol, you know I’m feeling rough! The hospice nurses have been great and have called me every week since, to check I’m ok. I’m seeing the oncologist next Friday (the 13th but we’ll ignore that!) and I’m going to ask what the long term plan is and if I can possibly look at coming off the tablets or if this is how it’s going to be now.

I’ve also got a numbness in my right hand side. It’s mostly affecting my face but is also going down my leg. The brain mri I had whilst in hospital came back clear so not sure what might be causing it. Another question for the onc next week.

We had a fab week away. We visited family in Cornwall which was lovely. I got to see my niece and nephews and spent some quality time with them. The kids had a fab time and we ate far too many pasties! Then we went to Butlins in Minehead. The main reason was to split the journey home – Cornwall is so far away! It was a great weekend and more memories were banked. But, I was glad to get home. I just really wanted to sleep in my own bed on my own (I’d shared with Daisy all week).

I’ve had a relatively ‘easy’ week. I needed to rest and just have some time to myself so I have been sensible for a change. But it’s boring. I like to be busy. I like to go to the gym. I’m going to try and get back to my classes next week although I’m already feeling slightly defeated – I already know it’s going to be tough after being away for so long. I can but try though.

Next week is busy….. Bone juice appointment on Monday. Zoladex on Tuesday. Oncologist on Friday.

It’s all good fun isn’t it xx